It's been 8 days since our world changed forever. Just thinking about it makes me cry. I cannot believe how much I can love such a tiny little person. She's amazing. She's a part of Aaron and I. She's a gift from God and I am so awed by the magnitude of His gift.
I know everyone that I haven't talked to already is dying to hear our birth story. The longer I wait to write it out, the events seem to slip further and further from my mind. It's interesting to hear my midwife team and even Aaron share their view points because it's so different from what I remember. But here goes.
My due date was Oct. 23rd. I had a few weeks of steady Braxton Hicks but when my midwife would check me, no dilation. My cervix was soft and I had some external dilation but nothing internal. So we went for an ultrasound a few days before my due date just to check positioning. She was head down, but not fully engaged. This news was so frustrating to me. I was SO READY. I was already out all week before my due date on Fall Break so I just decided to get over it and enjoy the last few days of it. It had been a good week, despite feeling anxious about Addy's arrival. I had cried and even pleaded with God about her coming but nope... nothing. So I just enjoyed a week of no work, no baby. Just Aaron and I. We visited his Dad in the hospital. We played Wii. We ate out. We just hung out. And I kept trying to make Addy come out. Seriously, I was doing ALL the things they say to do to help bring on labor. I drank raspberry tea. I used Primrose Oil. We walked miles. I ate spicy food. I was doing it all...
Well Oct. 23rd came and went. I'm embarrassed to say I had a pity party and I'm sure God was like, "really Sarah?" 40 weeks is such a long time to be pregnant. And to know that you won't be induced unless you go to 42 weeks makes it even harder.
I woke up the next morning and had bloody show. Funny how that happens. I knew that it was going to happen within the next day or two. I watched football on my birth ball aka exercise ball. We decided to go for another walk that evening and came back home to watch a movie. About halfway through the movie, the contractions started up. Nothing too intense but consistent. I decided to take a bath before bed since water helps relax me and it did help a little. We went to bed but I slept very little. The contractions kept coming and they were getting stronger. About 1 am, Aaron text our midwife and she headed over to the house. She checked on me, said this was the real deal, told us to sleep and she went to sleep on our couch. It was storming really bad that night. And apparently the weather changes help make babies come. Who knew?
I used my Hypnobabies relaxation techniques through the contractions and it really did help. About 5 am, I got back in our bathtub and stayed in it for about an hour. The rest of the midwife team arrived shortly after that and Aaron filled up the birthing tub. I think I was at 4 cm by that point. I got in the tub and OH it felt soooo good. I labored in and out of the birthing tub for most of the day. I got to 7 cm pretty easily and quickly. I relaxed and breathed through my contractions. i was ready to have this baby. Well, I guess I was too relaxed in the tub because my contractions weren't very close together and we weren't really getting anywhere. So I had to get out. And I labored throughout the house. Poor Aaron was such a trooper. He made my team breakfast and lunch. He sat with me. He poured water on my back while I was in the tub. When I was out, he followed me throughout the house. He was exhausted and he would drift off to sleep here and there but I didn't get mad. I knew he needed it.
So, anyways here it was evening and not much going on. My midwife decided to go ahead and break my water since it hadn't happened yet. I was at about 9 cm by that point and then we started pushing. I was back in the birth tub since I was most comfortable there. The only problem was the contractions were just too far apart. I would push during contractions, Addy would move down a bit but then would go back up since they were so far apart. So it was back out of the tub. I didn't like getting out, the contractions were way more intense out of the water. For 6 hours I pushed and pushed. I pushed in a squatting position, I pushed on my hands and knees. Aaron was such an amazing birth partner, encouraging me along the way. I was so mentally and physically exhausted. We were making a little progress but seriously? And by this point, I forgot all about my relaxation techniques. I was just too tired to even think about. And to make matters worse, I got sick and vomited a lot. And my dear husband who cannot stand vomit, held the bucket for me. At least he did the first time. He was such a trooper. At about 5 hours into pushing, they suggested I get in the shower since water helped me but the gravity of standing would help bring her down more. It was hard to stand up straight so they brought in my birth ball. I went to sit down on it in the shower and it rolled out from under me. I fell flat on my butt in the shower. But I believe this was totally a God thing. You see, we think now that my pelvis healed a bit weird after the accident which made it harder for Addy to find her way out. She actually came out a bit sideways. Which is why the labor was so long. But the force of vomiting and then falling on my butt helped push her around whatever it was that was keeping her back. After the fall, and everyone came running into the bathroom, they moved me to the bed and the contractions kept coming ONE AFTER ANOTHER. I have never in my life pushed so hard for anything. It was crazy. I wanted to give up so bad. They kept telling me how strong I was. They encouraged me and kept me going. Aaron quoted scriptures to me as I cried and wanted to give up. At one point, I got to feel her head and I think this is what pushed me on. I was flat on my back, with Aaron holding my head and shoulders and 2 of the team holding my legs. I was SO tired. And I kept saying how tired I was. It was weird. I felt like I was dreaming, and I kept thinking to myself, I know this is a bad dream and I'm going to wake up soon. My midwife was AMAZING and she had to help hold Addy's head in the birth canal so it would come out straight, not all tilted. I remember when she was right there, right at the place before she is born. I could feel her! I remember letting a contraction build and then pushing with everything I had in me. It was amazing. I felt her head and shoulder pop out at the same time. I thought for sure I had ripped wide open. But no! I had one tiny tear that happened during all the pushing and it didn't even need a stitch. As son as she was born, she started crying and her eyes were wide open. They immediately put her to my chest and I did skin to skin bonding with her. I just laid there and held my beautiful child. Aaron and I talked to her. Once she was on my chest, she immediately stopped crying. She knew her Mommy! :)
I birthed the placenta and shortly after that, they helped me in the shower. They did a newborn assessment on Addy and then gave her to Aaron as they looked me over and inspected my tear. Aaron took Addy downstairs and spent some time praying over her and just bonding with her. Such a precious time that he loves to talk about and I know he will never forget.
She was born at 2:40am on October 26th and she was perfectly healthy. She weighed 7 pounds, 2 ounces and was 20 and 1/2 inches long. I was in labor for around 27 hours give or take a few hours. As I've discussed the labor and birth with my 2 midwives, they have told me how strong I am. My one midwife Kimberly told me she has never seen a birth like that and she's been birthing babies a long time. She told me that she has never worked so hard to get a baby out, and she has never cried as much at a birth. It's funny because I feel like I was a wimp. I know I cried and begged and said over and over again that I couldn't do it. But to hear Aaron and the team tell me how amazing I was is truly remarkable.
I DO NOT regret doing it at home, even though it didn't go as planned. We all know that I had I been in the hospital, they would have c-sectioned me. After I fell in the shower and Aaron was helping me out, I remember telling him, let's just go to the hospital be done. He told me no. Kimberly had already told him that she knew I could do this. Yes it had been long and hard but she knew I had it in me.
The 6 hours of pushing helped stretch everything which is why I barely even tore. Had a hospital let me deliver vaginally, which is very slim, they would have done a huge episiotomy. So thankful we didn't go.
After the midwife team left that morning, Aaron and I looked at each other and then at our baby and well, we didn't know what to do. Babies don't come with instruction manuals. So we ate and went to sleep for a few hours. I was up moving around in a few hours. My bottom was sore, and I took Advil for 2-3 days. But I seriously felt amazing for pushing out a baby for as long as I did. I am a huge believer in natural birth now that I've done it. And if I can do it, anyone can. I'm a wimp when it comes to stuff and I do like medicine. But to actually FEEL the miracle of birth is something I wont forget. Not because it was AWFUL but because it changed me. I know there are no excuses for me to give up and quit at things anymore. I did this! I let my body and my baby do all the work and yeah, I had to work very hard but it was so worth it. It truly was the hardest thing I have ever done but it was the more rewarding.
I hold my one week old infant and I thank God every day for blessing us with such a beautiful baby. She's such a good baby and we are so in love with her. Aaron is a wonderful Daddy and she has him wrapped around her little finger. :) She's changing so much already and a part of me is sad because I want her to stay tiny forever.
She had her first newborn checkup this week and she's perfect. :)
We are tired but it's so worth it. We are in love with her and no matter how tired you feel, you can't help but smile when she makes her little noises and faces. Like I said, our world changed forever when Addyson Grace arrived. It will never be the same and I am so ok with that!
(I apologize for how sparatic this blog entry is. I'm trying to get all my thoughts out and it's a jumbled mess.)
