Yes, there it is. 5 weeks. Early enough for me to be hesitant to broadcast it to the world. It's a very surreal feeling. I'm carrying a teeny tiny little baby. Currently he/she is the size of a sesame seed... wow!
For those of you who know us well, I'm have a baby Rizlet... or as Aaron is hoping for... Rizlets. (Seriously??)
It's not like I should be shocked. After all, we were trying. I just have these moments where I wonder if now was the best time to start trying. And then I have to remember, it's really not up to me. This obviously is God's plan for Aaron and myself. We are excited, but I will admit that I'm scared out of my mind.
The funny thing is that I educate women on pregnancy, labor and caring for a newborn baby all day long. But now, as I read all these magazines that my OB gave me, it puts it all in a completely different perspective. I'm freaking out a bit. Is this normal?
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy. Life is truly a miracle, but I have to push a baby out... huh??? Not only that but I have to gain 15-20 pounds... really??? Yikes!!!!!
Then i just can't help but think what will happen once my maternity leave is over and I have to go back to a full time job and leave my precious little baby in the care of someone else. That is not going to go over very well. But all I can do is trust Him that it will all work out. I'm not quite sure how. I would love to be a stay at home mom and work part time but we're just gonna have to see what happens.
I just can't worry about that right now.
So there you go... Baby Rizlet.
How am I feeling? Well I don't really feel pregnant. And I'm not complaining. I know it's still early. I feel great. For whatever reason, I actually feel more energized. I do hit that afternoon tired slump but some one-on-one time with the eliptical machine really does help with that. I've always been a predominately healthy eater, with my occasional splurges on chocolate, but I feel so overly concerned about everything I put into my body right now. Unfortunately, I am being very stubborn about giving up my morning cup of coffee... but it's truly the only caffeine I usually have. I haven't had any weird cravings. But my sense of smell...whoa! Everything is on level 10. That is truly weird.
I'm intrigued by pregnancy.
My amazing hubby is trying to be patient with my whacked out hormones. I will say they are truly ALL OVER THE PLACE. I can start to cry at the drop of a hat. This is gonna get interesting.
The funny thing is we traded my little 2 door car in a few days before I had two more postive pregnancy test and went to the OB. I was able to get an amazing deal on a sweet ride... friends call it the Babymobile. It's a Nissan Murano and it's truly the nicest car I've ever had. We still have to get Aaron a car since his Trooper is falling apart. And I think we've decided we are just going to try to make it all work in our townhouse. I love our house and for a townhouse, it's huge. But it's only 2 bedroom. I want to try and make it work for now and then we can move on to a bigger house. I just don't feel compelled to try and move on top of everything else that's going on.
As far as Mr. Kingsley goes, I keep threatening to kick him out. I love that dog but he is getting on my nerves. I'm still bitter that half of my blue tooth earpiece is in his belly. And that's my fault for leaving it where he could get it. He never chews on anything but his toys. I just don't get it. Maybe he senses great things are happening and his little world is about to get turned upside down. Who knows.
When 2010 started, I did say that I expected nothing but greatness. Well... I'd say we're off to a GREAT start.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Patience... Ponderings...Preparing
I'm not sure if anyone even read my blog. And I'm pretty ashamed to say that I haven't been doing a good job of updating. I just feel like today I want to pour out my inner thoughts and feelings.
The past few months have been a blur. They literally have flown by. Going on a week long cruise in the middle of January certainly threw everything off a bit. Christmas, vacation, and now it's almost Valentine's Day! That's so crazy to me.
Our vacation was such a blast. It was a great time to get closer to Aaron's parents and his mom's side of the family. They are all very special and I love them dearly.
I'm not sure what happened, but it just seems like after the cruise, Aaron and I made some big decisions about our future. We've decided it's time to try and get pregnant.
Now as exciting as this is, I'm scared to death. Mostly, I worry about how we will fit a new baby into our already crazy world. I think about my 30 yr. old body and the changes that pregnancy will bring. I think about my current job, and how I will not and simply cannot continue once I have a baby at home. There are just so many thoughts in my head.
I think that neither of us knew how much we wanted to get pregnant until I had a positive pregnancy test. I'm not quite sure why I took one. But there it was. "Pregnant" I was shocked but Aaron was ecstatic. It warms my heart just thinking about his sweet face as he intently stared at the testing stick. lol
So me being the weirdo person I am decided to wake up the next morning and retest. "Not pregnant" Huh?? False positives are pretty rare. That was confusing. So I headed off to the walk in clinic to see if they would do the blood test. I had to wait all weekend for those results. "Not pregnant"
I'm disappointed, relieved (because that meant I was pregnant and didn't know it. We had been on vacation.. you get the picture), confused (why a cruel false positive), uncertain (do I really want to do this) and many other feelings. My emotions are literally all over the place. And technically, I could be pregnant seeing how the main indicator of pregnancy hasn't happened yet. We still have about a week to go on that one.
I don't want to get my hopes up. Unfortunately, I'm a nurse so I know what's going on in my body. It's hard not to be hopeful when you start having symptoms that could be early pregnancy or just serious PMS.
One thing I keep reminding myself is that it's in God's timing. His plan is perfect. I know it will happen when the time is right and as much as I want to go ahead and plan for it, I have to wait. This is not easy for me.
Then I start to panic and think about our lovely townhouse and how we are going to have to move.... Stop it!!! Can't think about that right now.
Our lives are truly so busy. It seems like we go go go constantly. I'm trying to cut back so when a baby does arrive, we don't have to completely alter everything. I don't want us to lose our identity because now we are parents. I want our baby to be a wonderful addition to our amazing lives.
I'm trying to get ready. I ended my Y membership so I could join the gym across form my neighborhood. This way, I will go since it's right there. Trying to cut back on caffeine, sugar, bad foods. Taking appropriate vitamins.
I'm trying not to think about it but that is so hard to do. I question constantly if I am ready. For a long time, it was Aaron that admittedly said he wasn't ready. And now here I am questioning it.
I love my husband. He is my best friend in every way. I can only imagine what an incredible father he will be. He is already so helpful to me and I know that when our child does arrive, he will be even more helpful. This is a great comfort to me. And it's a blessing his parents are so close. They will also be a huge help.
So, here I ponder about what's going on in my body. Is there a life starting to be formed or more waiting.
Patience Sarah. Patience.
The past few months have been a blur. They literally have flown by. Going on a week long cruise in the middle of January certainly threw everything off a bit. Christmas, vacation, and now it's almost Valentine's Day! That's so crazy to me.
Our vacation was such a blast. It was a great time to get closer to Aaron's parents and his mom's side of the family. They are all very special and I love them dearly.
I'm not sure what happened, but it just seems like after the cruise, Aaron and I made some big decisions about our future. We've decided it's time to try and get pregnant.
Now as exciting as this is, I'm scared to death. Mostly, I worry about how we will fit a new baby into our already crazy world. I think about my 30 yr. old body and the changes that pregnancy will bring. I think about my current job, and how I will not and simply cannot continue once I have a baby at home. There are just so many thoughts in my head.
I think that neither of us knew how much we wanted to get pregnant until I had a positive pregnancy test. I'm not quite sure why I took one. But there it was. "Pregnant" I was shocked but Aaron was ecstatic. It warms my heart just thinking about his sweet face as he intently stared at the testing stick. lol
So me being the weirdo person I am decided to wake up the next morning and retest. "Not pregnant" Huh?? False positives are pretty rare. That was confusing. So I headed off to the walk in clinic to see if they would do the blood test. I had to wait all weekend for those results. "Not pregnant"
I'm disappointed, relieved (because that meant I was pregnant and didn't know it. We had been on vacation.. you get the picture), confused (why a cruel false positive), uncertain (do I really want to do this) and many other feelings. My emotions are literally all over the place. And technically, I could be pregnant seeing how the main indicator of pregnancy hasn't happened yet. We still have about a week to go on that one.
I don't want to get my hopes up. Unfortunately, I'm a nurse so I know what's going on in my body. It's hard not to be hopeful when you start having symptoms that could be early pregnancy or just serious PMS.
One thing I keep reminding myself is that it's in God's timing. His plan is perfect. I know it will happen when the time is right and as much as I want to go ahead and plan for it, I have to wait. This is not easy for me.
Then I start to panic and think about our lovely townhouse and how we are going to have to move.... Stop it!!! Can't think about that right now.
Our lives are truly so busy. It seems like we go go go constantly. I'm trying to cut back so when a baby does arrive, we don't have to completely alter everything. I don't want us to lose our identity because now we are parents. I want our baby to be a wonderful addition to our amazing lives.
I'm trying to get ready. I ended my Y membership so I could join the gym across form my neighborhood. This way, I will go since it's right there. Trying to cut back on caffeine, sugar, bad foods. Taking appropriate vitamins.
I'm trying not to think about it but that is so hard to do. I question constantly if I am ready. For a long time, it was Aaron that admittedly said he wasn't ready. And now here I am questioning it.
I love my husband. He is my best friend in every way. I can only imagine what an incredible father he will be. He is already so helpful to me and I know that when our child does arrive, he will be even more helpful. This is a great comfort to me. And it's a blessing his parents are so close. They will also be a huge help.
So, here I ponder about what's going on in my body. Is there a life starting to be formed or more waiting.
Patience Sarah. Patience.
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